I'm here to tell you about a heretofore undocumented but well-known-to-moms phenomenon. It is called the Black Hole of Time and Attention. This black hole sucks time into itself right when it is most needed. It is soley responsible for moms being unable to get their children out of the house in what most of us would view as a reasonable amount of time.
I've been observing carefully and taking meticulous notes and, finally, I can publish the scientific results of my study. Here's what happens: The moment a parents says, "It's time to get your shoes and socks on," the Black Hole opens up and sucks in 1/2 of the time that has been alloted to get ready or 20 minutes, which ever is greater. Actually, a parent just has to think about getting the kids out the door and, slllluuuuurrrrppppppp, into the Black Hole it goes, never to be seen again.
The second force of this Hole is to derail your children's attention away from putting on shoes, socks and coats and toward every and any thing having nothing to do with the aforementioned activities. Suddenly children have a dying need to fight with their brother, get a snack (despite the earlier chance to do so), complete an earlier abandoned Pokemon card game, have their doorknob turned around so the lock is on the inside to get away from said brother, find a missing Gameboy cartridge, and ask if we can make play dough.
All these years you thought it was you! Relax--it's a force of nature. And no one has discovered the opposing force yet.
Jokes by Levi
What did the ice cream say when the banana asked when it could come over?
Only on a sundae!
What does a drama king wear to bed?
What do you call a swashbuckling rat?
What do you call a shoe that has a problem?
An is-shoe! (An issue)
What do you call a video game that you play with more than one person?
What do you call it when someone listens in on Christmas Eve?
And one contributed by a friend:
What's brown and sticky?
Levi called me into his room saying, "Oliver's a quarterback." Oliver was on the bed on his tummy with 4 quarters on his back.
What does a crocodile say when it wants to be a rooster?