Screen Time

As a family (and especially as parents), we have talked a lot about "screen time" which, in our house, includes TV, video games, hand-held games and the computer. This is a tough subject partly because our reference point is limited. Twenty years ago when my husband and I were in college, the world was on the beginning edge of personal computer use. As college students, we learned how to word process at hulking terminals in the cold basement of a building while time sharing on a mainframe. Commands for formatting had to be put in at the beginning of each paragraph. I think ".p" was the command required to start a new paragraph. It was basic!

After you were done typing, you sent your document into the print queue. You came back the next day to find it printed out on paper that still had the feed tape with holes on the sides. There was no spell check or grammer check. If you spotted an error on the printed page, it was a whole bunch of trouble to have your document retrieved for corrections.

When my husband and I were talking recently about the kid's use of electronic media, he started out with, "Well, when we were kids . . . ." Unfortunately this is like referring to the dinosaur age to make a modern-day decision. As kids, we had children's programming in the early morning and from 3-5 in the afternoon, weekend cartoons and the occasional family show in the evening like Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom and Hee Haw. (Ah, I date myself.)

We have not stopped electronic media from coming into our home, an impractical approach in my opinion. Electronic use for entertainment and work are a large part of our world. I do want my kids to learn to use it and learn to make their own judgements about how it fits into their lives. But I find that it also affects our life as a family. And thus comes the rub. Electronic entertainment is alluring, exciting. It's also easy as a default option as to how to spend one's time and that's what concerns me. I get uncomfortable when my kids roll out of bed and immediately head for the computer or hand-held video game day after day. I'm concerned that they've stopped making active decisions about how to spend their time and are on automatic.

I know that I have to be careful of the same draw to my own computer. I don't use it to play games, but it would be fair to say that checking my email holds huge appeal! If I'm feeling disconnected or bored, it's easy to sit in front of the screen instead of being more active in finding something to do or connecting with my kids. It's also a good way to avoid any dreaded chores!

We've recently decided to have one screen-free day a week. And I must say, I love it. The energy in the house is different, the kids are calmer and more peaceful and so am I. I see them using their creativity and imaginations in ways that just don't happen when they're plugged in. We had a screen-free day yesterday. It was the kind of day I love--rainy and cold and a good day to stay home in your pj's. We started the morning with reading several Magic School Bus stories at breakfast and then moved on to our Crayon Hearts project (see our previous post) which took most of the morning. After lunch the kids drifted away upstairs to their rooms. They called me up to look at what they'd made--each had forts in their bedrooms that they had built out of mattresses (yes, off the beds), blankets, pillows, books and toys baskets.

I later found them in Oliver's room surrounded by books, Levi sometimes reading to Oliver. They pulled out old toys--things as simple as balls and stuffed animals. The listened to music and poetry and stories on CD. These things simply don't happen on days when they stay connected to electronics.

There are lots of dire predictions about the effects of electronic media on children, the formation of their brains, and how it affects physical activity. In this new territory, it will take the passage of time to see if any of these fears are borne out. I certainly don't know the answer. But I do know what my intuition tells me and what I observe in my house. What it tells me is that searching for a balance between use of electronics and other activities is important. I don't want me or my kids to be reluctant to go more than 10 feet from an electrical outlet or out of range of a wireless connection!

Balance is one of the principles I try to parent by and it serves us well in deciding what foods to eat (how much junk vs. how much "good stuff"), how late to stay up, how much to play with friends and how much to stay home. It's the idea of everything in moderation. For now, moderation is the path we've chosen. We have limited screen time to 2 hours daily, 3 on the weekends. And we have talked about having our weekday screentime start after 3pm. This leaves us the daytime when we're fresh for learning activities, projects, time with friends.

These limitations are not without conflict even though we came up with them and agreed to them as a family. I don't like being the nag. I'm working with the kids to find ways that they can manage their own screen time withhout me in the middle.

There's a whole wide world out there to see and experience. My hope for each of us is that we'll keep our eyes open and not let one form of interacting with the world consume us. Electronics have value--they offer opportunities for learning, connection with others, and just plain old fun. But I also value learning that comes from a walk in the woods, a face-to-face conversation, or a hands-on experience.

I'll be logging off now to go play with the kids!

You are Cordially Invited . . .

I posted not long ago that my boys weren't "crafty" but I'm finding it really isn't true. It's just that they need to be invited in. I am learning the fine and subtle art of inviting. Our very old edition of The American Heritage Dictionary gives this as one of the three definitions of the word "invitation": An allurement, enticement, or attraction. And that's exactly what the boys often need to pique their interest in something.

We did a fun Valentine craft this morning called Crayon Hearts (thanks to my friend, Lyssa, and her love of Martha Stewart for his idea). Now, if I had said, "Come on, let's make Valentines," they would have looked at me like I had two heads and had just suggested that they eat slugs, given me a suspicious "no thank you" and run furiously in the other direction. Instead, I said nothing. I got the supplies out, put them all on the dining room table and set to work.

"What are you doing?" Oliver asked.

"I'm going to put shavings of the crayons on this paper and then melt it with the iron, " I told him. Suspicious look.

"I don't want to do that."

"Okay."

A few minutes went by and Levi got interested. "Hey, I want to do that!" We were off and running. We all had a great time and have some beautiful Valentine hearts for our friends and family from our project.

The thing is that an invitation has to be just that, a "would you like to come?" with no penalty for RSVPing "no." As with most of us, being forced to do something doesn't sit well and inspires resistence. I find this to be especially true with kids. If your invitation is really a trick to get them to do something, they'll be quick to smell a rat and will resist. But if your invitation is a true opening of the heart, a temptation to their interest, a welcome without a trick behind it, they'll probably come in. They may still say no. They truly may not be interested. That is the time to let them go. Maybe they have an invitation for you.

To find this project, go to http://www.marthastewart.com/ and search for Crayon Hearts.

Travel Weary

Having my husband out-of-town for a week severely tests the limits of my endurance. I do find a sort of rhythm but by the time he returns, worn out himself and not able to provide much immediate relief, I am on some sort of exhausted auto-pilot.

Something has to give and what gives first is the state of my house which, with kids home all day and projects constantly going on, is compromised anyway. Finally with some night hours to myself, I've started digging out. I just found a pot holder in Levi's room (?!). I finally folded a load of laundry that has been in the dryer for several days. It's the one I had to wash over again b/c it stayed wet in the washer so long, it smelled bad. Arrrggghh. There's still a pile of paper--books, coupons, magazines--on the stairs, ever growing and waiting to be taken upstairs and put away. The dining room table has turned into my office holding bills, papers that will remind me to make some phone calls, my calendar and a half-knitted pair of mittens.

On the floor behind me is a tipped-over globe, two rapper-snappers (what?), one half of a stick that I used for a math demonstration today, a book about the earth opened to "Earthquakes and seismology," a broken and used up tape dispenser, a coloring pad, various parts to transforming toys, a binder clip and my favorite ink pen.

These are the other things that factored into the week. My husband went on a business trip to Europe, took his car keys, and accidentally left the car seats locked in his car. This was how his week away started for me. I couldn't find the connection cord for my iPod/computer connection and so couldn't load This American Life onto it. It may not sound like a big problem to you but my housework was absolute drudgery and I thought I could get through it if I had something interesting to listen to.

As a bit of relief, I took the kids out one night to a casual restaurant that I'd been wanting to try. It was fun--except for the 2 consecutive times that Oliver spilled his absolutely full cup of lemonade all over the table, himself and me. Last night I made a meal that the kids love--Swedish meatballs. This required some effort on my part but it was worth it for a meal we'd all enjoy. They sat down, looked at the food, both said, "I'm not hungry," took 3 bites and asked to be excused from the table. I did take the time to enjoy my meal and a taste of wine but with a traveling husband and excused-from-the-table kids, conversation was spare and my dinner ended relatively quickly too.

This wouldn't have been so bad except for almost immediately facing the slimy noodle pot and colander the noodles were drained in, the messy skillet, the dishwasher full of clean dishes to be put away--and all without the distraction of This American Life. Oh woe is me!

I've been assuring myself that a cluttered house is a sign of active minds!

Kind Acts

We've been trying to do some community service projects as a family but I find it hard to find things the kids will be interested in and/or not disturbed by at this age. I've recently found a project I can participate in and show the kids the kinds of things that can be done.

There's a program called Afghans for Afghans (http://www.afghansforafghans.org/) that distributes hand-knitted or crocheted blankets, hats, mittens, sweaters, socks, vests, and other clothing items to families in Afghanistan. This has been fun for me because I can indulge in knitting without wondering what in the world we're going to do with another hat.

In my photo, I am holding a 10" x 10" square that I knitted. It will be combined with other same-sized squares to make a blanket that is 30" by 40". The other is a photo of a toddler size mitten I've just finished. L & O really like these so at some point I'll do some for them too.

At the yarn store, I saw pegged rings that can be used to knit. I've never used one before but it looks like it would be something the kids could do--if they are interested, which is the tricky part. I'd like to get one to see if they'd do it but I'm reluctant to buy something that has a big likelihood of going into the craft-projects-abandoned pile.

I have craft-reluctant boys, a fact that I have been very slow to get over. One year I (and, yes, it was totally I) thought it would be fun to hand-make Valentines. This was when L was still in school so it required making about 20. He was game--for about the first 5 and then he told me I could do the rest! What I get for foisting a Valentine craft on him.

At Thanksgiving this year, I pulled out a book of holiday crafts and very eagerly offered a turkey craft. "No thanks, I made one of those last year," L told me! That was the end of that. O mostly declines crafts too and most often skipped them when that were offered in preschool. I'm slowly learning that the crafts that will get done around here will be ones that I take full and sole responsibility for!

Dangerous Activities for Kids

Below is the link to an interesting video about kids and learning. It is from the TED (Technology, Entertainment, Design) website. See www.ted.com for more.

The introduction to the video on the TED site is as follows: "Gever Tulley, founder of the Tinkering School, talks about our new wave of overprotected kids--and spells out 5 (and really, he's got 6) dangerous things you should let your kids do. Allowing kids the freedom to explore, he says, will make them stronger, smarter and actually safer."

I have often wondered, in light of the lack of safety precautions in our own childhoods, how we all lived to adulthood! When we were kids, there were no car seats, blind-cord cases, outlet protectors or bike helmets. No waist straps on grocery carts, carousels or high chairs. No protectors to keep kids from turning the knobs on the stove. The list goes on and on. We ran about the neighborhood and local creek for hours without anyone knowing exactly where we were. There's no doubt that some of these gadgets and precautions saved lives but, as Tulley points out, perhaps some of our precautions actually keep us from educating our children about certain things. He proposes that experience with certain elements like fire (I know--gasp!)help our children be safer around these things. His line of thinking was enlightening for me. It's helpful for me to recognize that protection from something isn't necessarily the best route to safety. The route to competency is "doing." Watching something for initial instruction can be helpful but most of us don't really "get" it until we've had a chance to try it for ourselves.

A lot of us have come to homeschooling with exactly this kind of thinking, with the understanding that learning done in a "real world" context is the most meaningful. Tulley reminds us that the same is true for things that scare parents.

Watch what Tully has to say and see what you think:

http://www.ted.com/talks/view/id/202

The TED website is interesting and worth a look. You can view a number of lectures from TED conferences.

If You Give A 60 Year Old Man A Banjo . . .

My dad, for as long as I can remember, has wanted to play the banjo. I remember one being around our house when I was a small child but mostly it stood leaning in a corner and I plucked at it every now and then. And then it disappeared.

About 5 or 6 years ago, we spent some time with my dad and the banjo came up again. My husband and I decided to buy one for him, send it to him and see what happened. So we did . . . and here's what happened.

If you give a 60 year old man a banjo, he'll want to learn to play it.
When he starts to learn to play it, he'll need a teacher.
When he finds a teacher, he'll spend lots of time playing the same licks over and over again.
When he plays the same thing over and over again, he'll get good at it.
When he gets good at it, he'll make a solo debut at his Cider Party.
When he makes his debut, he'll want to go public.
When he goes public, he'll put a video on You Tube.
When he puts a video on You Tub, he'll email it to you.
When he emails it to you, you'll email it to all your friends and put it on your blog.
When he sees himself on your blog, he'll want to play his banjo.

What does any of this have to do with homeschooling? It's a testament to life learning, the idea that we are learning all the time and that it is NEVER TOO LATE! Such is the title of John Holt's memoir of learning to play the cello at age 40 with no previous musical background. Holt became an accomplished player.

Recognized for his understanding of children's natural orientation to learning, Holt is the father of homeschooling and unschooling or child-led learning. He later turned his attention to adult learning and showed us that the same natural curiosity and passion exist in adults but sometimes it gets buried the myth that to acquire expertise at a sport, musical instrument or career, one must start early. So often we have been told "you can't" and unfortunately, we believe it. So watch the living proof that if you give an adult a banjo, he can and will learn how to play it! Yea, Dad!

Black Hole of Time and Attention

I'm here to tell you about a heretofore undocumented but well-known-to-moms phenomenon. It is called the Black Hole of Time and Attention. This black hole sucks time into itself right when it is most needed. It is soley responsible for moms being unable to get their children out of the house in what most of us would view as a reasonable amount of time.

I've been observing carefully and taking meticulous notes and, finally, I can publish the scientific results of my study. Here's what happens: The moment a parents says, "It's time to get your shoes and socks on," the Black Hole opens up and sucks in 1/2 of the time that has been alloted to get ready or 20 minutes, which ever is greater. Actually, a parent just has to think about getting the kids out the door and, slllluuuuurrrrppppppp, into the Black Hole it goes, never to be seen again.

The second force of this Hole is to derail your children's attention away from putting on shoes, socks and coats and toward every and any thing having nothing to do with the aforementioned activities. Suddenly children have a dying need to fight with their brother, get a snack (despite the earlier chance to do so), complete an earlier abandoned Pokemon card game, have their doorknob turned around so the lock is on the inside to get away from said brother, find a missing Gameboy cartridge, and ask if we can make play dough.

All these years you thought it was you! Relax--it's a force of nature. And no one has discovered the opposing force yet.